Monday, April 27, 2009

The Birds

Losin' It #13

Dr. Nutzenhoffer has dandruff, halitosis, and a carbuncle on his left big toe.

Birds have had a long standing disdain for humans and mammals in general. Bird attacks on humans have increased exponentially over the past decades. It is as though they have declared war upon us. It may be that they feel a superiority to humans because they possess the gift of flight, or that they feel that we have intruded upon their territory by creating our own mechanical means of soaring into the great blue yonder, but make no mistake, these devious feathered terrorists of the sky must be stopped. They have descovered that taking us out one at a time will not accomplish their goal of world domination as quickly as wiping us out one commercial jet liner at a time. With this goal in mind they have developed and fine tuned the attack of the "Bird Strike." It is no coincidence that bird strikes have been steadily increasing in frequency.

Birds are jealous of mammals because we can pick our noses.
We have a secret weapon of our own in Captain C. B. "Sully" Sullenberger, that's right the hero of the miracle on the Hudson. This man has met the threat of a bird strike head on and won. He's not afraid of this winged menace. He laughs and makes room in his deep fryer when the battle is over. "Give 'em hell Sully! Go at 'em like you were Colonel Sanders on half-price chicken day!


Sully Sullenberger sleeps in Spider Man pajamas

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Seattle's very own Mayor McCheese

Losin' It #12


More psychologists sleep in cupboards than people realize.

I see Mayor Nickels as having just about the biggest political double stadard there is. While he tells all of the rest of us to stop driving our cars and get on the bus, he uses 5 gallons of gas a day in his official automobile according to city expense records; that doesn't even count the fuel for the other luxury cars he drives at public expense. I think Mayor McCheese should try walking a little, no a LOT, more. Forget being the mayor, Nickels acts like he's the KING of Seattle.

Never trust a man who wears spats.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tales from the "Hood" Part Deux

Losin' It #11

This man is a trained professional.  Do NOT attempt this at home.

The "Hood":

Like I said in my post titled "Tamales"; I lived in a ROUGH neighborhood for a while. When your dogs have to go, they have to go no matter what time it is, and most of the time that was in the middle of the night. One night I found myself in the middle of a group disturbance that was evolving around me - when one of the guys began yelling for another guy to either shoot him or stab him. It was interesting, although I'm not quite sure how a conversation leads to that point. The guy was very emotional and extremely dramatic, in an extra ordinary crybaby wanna be center of attention sort of way.

'His life was over anyway'... he must have been the owner of the Pinto in the parking lot.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Spectacular Super Scootch!

Losin' It #10:

Just because you have your doctorate doesn't mean you know what you're talking about.

As promised in the post before last, The adventures of the Spectacular Super Scootch is here. Super Scootch is just like me in real life...except my skin doesn't turn to metal...I don't have awesome ninja skills...and I really try to avoid fighting nowadays, kind of...but I do hate politicians, crooks, thieves, and cheats.

He's taking all our Hamiltons!

Baron Von Bailout gets his hair cut at Hair Masters.


Old bologna smells surprisingly like sweaty feet and watermelon Jolly Ranchers.

Friday, April 3, 2009

TAMALES!!

Losin' It #9

Asking questions during a job interview is a sign of impertinence.

For about a year or so I lived in the "hood". I'm sure that there are far worse neighborhoods than the one in which I was living, but for explanation purposes it was poor, crime ridden, and had significant gang influences. I'm not going to go into detail about which gang, because that type of stuff isn't my business, but they labeled or "tagged" the neighborhood and every wall, fence, dumpster, tree, etc. I think it would be nice for gangs to get some nice professional signs made, maybe some nice sand blasted wood, to promote their influence and mark their territory, but that's just me...it would look better though. Okay back to the comic...In the complex that I lived in there was a lady that came around often selling tamales out of a baby stroller. It was just one of the many charming aspects of the place...

Little known fact: used stroller is the 'special ingredient' in 90% of door-to-door tamales.

The Introduction of Super Scootch!

Losin' It #8:

It's very hard to produce high quality widgets faster than ten per hour

The arrival of the Spectacular Super Scootch!

Superheroes always have such serious lives and attitudes. They are almost always muscle bound with incredibly fantastic super powers. In the world of Super Scootch, he is a virtually unknown entity with no real "brand" value. He doesn't wear a costume, and is not the guy that law enforcement, or the "powers that be" are always hoping will save the day. Super Scootch is no real fan of the "powers that be", and he has some real issues with authority in general. All he really cares about is what is right, fair, and just. Super Scootch does have a super power, which is the ability to change the skin on any one part, or his entire body as a whole, to Wolframium metal; more commonly known as Tungsten. The origin of this super power will be revealed in an upcoming origin posting. He does have suprisingly keen martial arts skills that were obtained during years of training with the Whoop Whoop Ninja clan. There isn't any daunting, serious drama in his life, and for the most part he is easy going and a bit lazy as his overweight physique will attest to, but he can and will kick some ass when he feels that the little man is getting screwed by the megalomaniacal machine.

Super Scootch is a big fan of beer.