Stolen Cheese

Life will chew you up

2011-02-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm still working on the next "Trolls", but here's a little ditty 'bout a dude called the Crowbar. He's as real and "every guy" as it gets. No frills, super powers, or money...just an old fashioned beat down for scum buckets.

I've been doing this blog for a while and I usually add a few tidbits here and there, but there is a lot more to my busy life then the stuff that I post. There's a lot of frustration with being an artist that wants to share ideas and stories with a lot of people and not having any time to get the things done that I want to show others. I have a pretty stressful full time job, plus my wife and I run a store that is open seven days a week and operated only by the two of us. I'm not sure if there are others that have frustration like this in life. It would be nice to be in the position to have a lot of time to work on projects , develop them, and spend extra time on every little detail, but that's not my life. I'm curious to know if other creative types have a lot of these same issues with their outlets. It could help to have some new followers of my blog and comments about the things I post, or blurbs on what is happening with commenters projects. With all of this and the pending zombie apocalypse I pretty much have my hands full.

The Sickness Part 4

2011-01-23T19:21:00.001-08:00

I haven't been posting anything due to the holidays and mostly because we are store owners now as of Dec. 1st. I'm gonna get back on it though and start posting regularly again...so if you're a fan...or just someone that likes to check in every once in a while to see what's up, there should be new things to look at. Sign up as a follower...or not, whatever floats your boat Cap'n Crunch.

Trolls #4

2010-12-03T22:53:00.001-08:00

The Sickness - Part Three

2010-10-14T23:22:00.001-07:00

Trolls #3

2010-10-01T23:06:00.000-07:00

The Sickness - Part Two

2010-09-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

Trolls #2 and Another Random One

2010-09-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

The Sickness - Part One

2010-08-23T23:46:00.000-07:00

Trolls #1

2010-08-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

This is the official re-launching of my comic blog. In the first year that I posted, there were random new things along with some of the old. After the past half year with virtually no new and entertaining items of awesomeness, I am re-focused on new projects that I am taking pretty seriously. My new adventures are 2 books that I am going to post a page at a time. Without giving away too much about them; the first is titled "Trolls" and the second is "The Sickness". I am going to alternate between the two and make every effort to post every couple of weeks or so. I'll probably throw something unrelated in every once in a long while just to keep things interesting. I hope you enjoy these stories and if you do, tell your friends and or start a fan club... or a fight club...or a primarily law abiding non-violent gang of interesting and positive followers of my blog...or not.

Three NEW Oil Spill Cleanup Solutions!

2010-06-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

FEAR the Girl Scouts.

2010-05-30T23:50:00.001-07:00

Workin' Out Loser Style

2009-11-04T15:01:00.000-08:00

Losin' It #30!

The Platypus #3

Use as directed.

2009-10-17T19:26:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #29

Beamer and Blog #2

Screamin' meany!

2009-10-11T18:06:00.001-07:00

Losin' It #28

The Platypus #2

I'm not working on Saturday!

2009-10-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

Losin' it # 27 In addition to the Platypus, I am going to have a new ongoing comic...for now...though I can be a little erratic in regard to my committment to specific strips and subject matter...I'm going to make a real effort to focus my comic powers in this productive direction...that's right...I'll do that...for sure. Wow, how refreshing and stuff. I'll continue posting the rest of the Losin' it strips as well as the ongoing posts of the Platypus and this new strip 'Beamer and Blog'. Cool beans.

Some bosses are really not that great...and some should be poisoned...

Obedience Training for Dummies

2009-08-27T19:13:00.001-07:00

Losin' It #26

Tasha has been taking our Neopolitan Mastiff puppy, Argus to obedience training. He does however have some issues with other dogs.

Tales from the Playground

2009-08-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

I’ve always considered myself to be the type of person who resolves things with reason and through communication, especially during the past sixteen years of my life since getting out of the Army. I do, however, feel that there is a place for fighting in society. I was thinking back to the first fight I can remember being in. I was in fifth grade and it was after soccer practice for the illustrious soccer powerhouse the Berney Bulldogs. There was this kid in school; I can’t even really remember his name other than I think his last name was Nelson. He was always kind of a bully and was picking on kids in the school yard that afternoon. I was on the play equipment and he shoved me off, not cool at all. I fell about four or five feet onto my back and enough was enough, I’d had it with him. I jumped up, ran up to where he was, and threw him off. I then jumped down, punched him a few times, and then held him down. The mean part that I feel was over the line, and a little humiliating, was that I held him down and let all of the kids that he had been picking on come over and slap him in the face. I went home and he showed up at my house a little latter, I still don’t know how he knew where I lived. He said that his dad said he had to come over and fight me again and beat me up. I felt really bad for him at that point. I told him that I wasn’t going to fight him again, and that for me it was over. I also told him that as far as I was concerned he could tell his dad he beat me up. After that he acted as though I was his best friend. I told him to quit picking on kids and he did. I don’t really remember him after that year; I think he moved away or something.

I know that when I was a kid there were a lot of outlets to settle scores with people and to get out natural aggression. There were fights after and during school, there were “smokers” or boxing matches where people could go to challenge each other and things were resolved, it was therapeutic. People usually felt better afterward and went out for drinks or something. I remember a fight I was in while in high school. I was sticking up for a female friend of mine and talking crap about her boyfriend who had been allegedly cheating on her. I was a sophomore, he was a senior, and I had been running my pie hole. After weeks of buzz around the school the issue had come to a head. He was waiting outside my English class and a whole lot of people were waiting there as well. I decided it was time for me to face the consequences of my alligator mouth and walked down to class. I was taking off my coat when he hit me (right now I am going to go on the record and say that I was going to lose that fight and get beat up regardless, I’m just saying having my arms caught in my coat didn’t help matters much). I was beat up pretty good, mostly because I kept getting back up and going after him. I learned a valuable lesson in life through that experience. To stay out of other peoples minor personal issues and keep my mouth shut. I didn’t have any hard feelings after that, I had it coming. That guy, Scott Rand, and I were pretty good friends for a period later in life.

What I am trying to say, I guess, is that I don’t think that I EVER heard about a mass shooting or anything like that back then. There weren’t huge school imposed penalties, like expulsion, and guys could have a fight and not go to prison. I’m not saying that bullies or people who fight a lot should run the world or push people around, but our society has gone so far the other way with its wimpification. The “teacher’s pets” rule the world. They can lie, connive, conspire against others, and kiss the boss's ass. They say anything they want without fear, because they know that their deceit will get them ahead in life. Most of them are lawyers, politicians, and CEOs making millions through the TARP funds and public bailouts. What have we done to society?

These guys need the hat trick of the wedgie, swirly, and the purple nurple.

Oh, the HORROR!

2009-08-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #veinti cinco

I want to preface this entry by saying that I did not have a horrible childhood, it was alright. That being said there were some questionable ideas that were developed in the Hale household. This is a little story about one of them. First off, we did not live out in the middle of nowhere, in some remote location seldom frequented by civilized human beings. We lived just outside the city limits, and had a city water supply. We also had a well that was used strictly for irrigation so my parents water bill would stay low. In addition we did not live on some large farm or ranch. We had a house on a large city lot. One day, when I was about 12 or so, my father announced to the family that the well was running dry, but never fear, he had developed a plan to save the Hale household's water bill. He was going to send my brother and I down the well to start digging. To me this was not nearly as great a plan as I think he thought it was.

Now the well was approximately 40 feet deep or so and there wasn't a whole lot of elbow room around a kid when he was down it. My father's awesome idea was comprised of a large "A" shaped steel thingy-ma-bob that went from the ground and leaned at an angle against the house. On the big "A" there was mounted a hand crank winch with a cable. At the end of the cable was a wooden seat like a swing set seat. This was the contraption that lowered me down the well. As far as I know ther were no buried bodies, giant naked mole rats, or Creatures from the Black Lagoon, but those are the kind of things a kid thinks about when he is being lowered down a pitch black well. My equipment included a hard hat with a regular flashlight duct taped on top, A rain coat, and a tall pair of rubber boots. While I was down the well a plastic 5 gallon bucket was lowered with a shovel that had part of the handle sawed off because there just wasn't room for a regular legth shovel down the well. I spent hours digging and filling the bucket which was pulled up when full, bouncing off the sides of the well all the way up, knocking rocks back down on me. But I had my hard hat.

This went on for some time; it seemed like years, but was really just most of the summer. One day while my dad was at work my mom lowered me down the well and the winch came off the crank and I was stuck half way down the well. My mom ran and got some neighbors, it turned into a real "boy trapped in the well" situation. One of the neighbors was able to fix the winch and get me out. You might think that would be a moment to ponder an end to the children down the well situation; nope, I was down the well the next day. After a summer of digging we were allowed to stop, I don't feel like we made a whole lot of headway on the well, but hey, now I have an interesting story to tell.

Another old project

2009-07-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

This was another strip I had started. The characters were based on people with whom I worked. I still work with two of them...and I won't reveal their identities...but have fun guessing. In some of the upcoming posts I am going to delve deep into my past and reveal some of the stories of my childhood, young adulthood, and various periods in betweenhood. They may make you laugh, cry, want to eat a piece of pie. The next post will be all about 'the boy in the well' I can't tell you any more than that right now...okay the boy was me, but that's all. Enjoy the guards for now.

Losin' It - In Technicolor!

2009-07-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #24

The Archives

2009-07-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

Losin' it #23

I've started quite a few comic strip ideas, only to abandon them later. It's not that I'm cold hearted or unfeeling. I still care about the abandonded strips, it was just the best thing for both of us. It may be hard for these cartoons to understand now, but I hope they will come to realize that it just wouldn't have worked out between us. I want nothing but the best for these lonely doodles so I'm posting some of them this time and next. Enjoy, I hope you'll be happy together.

I'm gonna do better with making more frequent postings...really!

2009-07-15T22:35:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #22

No Reasonable Offer Refused!

2009-06-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #21

2009-06-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #20

I've decided to print my own currency and surprisingly it's worth the same as the Federal Reserve Notes of the Chinese owned United States of America. I was never a fan of George W.'s and I think he did most everything wrong, but I'm also not real happy that Barack has sold us to a foreign nation. I'm not going to learn the Chinese language, I hate the color red...so the whole communist thing won't work for me.

I had CPR training the other day, but I think I lost my patient...and I'm pretty sure I'm covered by the Good Samaritian act...so better luck next time I guess.

Pandemic!

2009-06-07T22:02:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #19

I think we as the public, by way of the media, are addicted to pandemics, catastophes, and just all around scary news. We seem to be glued to the news during the latest and greatest world new news fright fest. It's usually never quite as bad, or exciting depending on how you look at it, as it's made out to be. That being said, I think I may have an idea how these various viruses mutate.

Introducing.....

2009-05-27T22:40:00.001-07:00

Please leave in a calm orderly fashion

2009-05-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #18

It's been a rough week at times. I did have a full evacuation one of the days. FIRE!! Run for your lives! This mamma jamma's gonna blow!

"No Parking"

2009-05-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #17: I often have trouble finding parking spaces. At my work a lot of the parking is assigned to specific individuals or labeled as parking for carpools, official visitors, maintenance workers, handicapped drivers, and motorcycles. It leaves slim pickin's for the rest of us. One thing that is not labeled is the bicycle rack. It has no sign that states it is ony for bikes. I'm pretty sure I'm going to start parking there, though I will use a bike lock to ensure that no one steals my car...or tows it.

Ain't No Party Like a Whoop Whoop Dance Party!

2009-05-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

Losin' It # 16

I'm not much for dancing, especially in public places, but if you're going to cut loose, the music store is the perfect place. Unlimited supply of music and plenty of space for trying out awesome new moves. I've notice in hindsight (after it was brought to my attention by Luna) that it lookes as though I am farting in panel number 3, but that's okay, somtimes that will happen in the music store, especially when you're dancing. In addition, I've just been told by Tashie that it looks like the bald man in the last panel is using the CD display rack as though it was a urinal; that is absolutely not the case. That would be totally inappropriate behavior, even at the music store...what am I thinking, especially at the music store...your attorney's office on the other hand is the perfect place...right on his desk...on his name plate and pen holder.

Tada!

2009-05-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #15
I'm married now, and chocolate and peanutbutter is a wonderful flavor combination. I love Tashie and she is very, very funny and fun to be around, so this was a good decision. Plus she helps me with my blog so I have to keep her...and she's a good cook.

Tom the Tape Worm

2009-05-01T22:13:00.001-07:00

Losin' It #14

Why a tapeworm? I don't know. Why not a tapeworm? I don't know that tapeworms aren't affected by the bad economy.

Let your Swine Flu Shine Through

2009-04-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

The Birds

2009-04-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #13

Birds have had a long standing disdain for humans and mammals in general. Bird attacks on humans have increased exponentially over the past decades. It is as though they have declared war upon us. It may be that they feel a superiority to humans because they possess the gift of flight, or that they feel that we have intruded upon their territory by creating our own mechanical means of soaring into the great blue yonder, but make no mistake, these devious feathered terrorists of the sky must be stopped. They have descovered that taking us out one at a time will not accomplish their goal of world domination as quickly as wiping us out one commercial jet liner at a time. With this goal in mind they have developed and fine tuned the attack of the "Bird Strike." It is no coincidence that bird strikes have been steadily increasing in frequency.

We have a secret weapon of our own in Captain C. B. "Sully" Sullenberger, that's right the hero of the miracle on the Hudson. This man has met the threat of a bird strike head on and won. He's not afraid of this winged menace. He laughs and makes room in his deep fryer when the battle is over. "Give 'em hell Sully! Go at 'em like you were Colonel Sanders on half-price chicken day!

Seattle's very own Mayor McCheese

2009-04-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #12

I see Mayor Nickels as having just about the biggest political double stadard there is. While he tells all of the rest of us to stop driving our cars and get on the bus, he uses 5 gallons of gas a day in his official automobile according to city expense records; that doesn't even count the fuel for the other luxury cars he drives at public expense. I think Mayor McCheese should try walking a little, no a LOT, more. Forget being the mayor, Nickels acts like he's the KING of Seattle.

Tales from the "Hood" Part Deux

2009-04-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #11

The "Hood":

Like I said in my post titled "Tamales"; I lived in a ROUGH neighborhood for a while. When your dogs have to go, they have to go no matter what time it is, and most of the time that was in the middle of the night. One night I found myself in the middle of a group disturbance that was evolving around me - when one of the guys began yelling for another guy to either shoot him or stab him. It was interesting, although I'm not quite sure how a conversation leads to that point. The guy was very emotional and extremely dramatic, in an extra ordinary crybaby wanna be center of attention sort of way.

The Spectacular Super Scootch!

2009-04-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #10:

As promised in the post before last, The adventures of the Spectacular Super Scootch is here. Super Scootch is just like me in real life...except my skin doesn't turn to metal...I don't have awesome ninja skills...and I really try to avoid fighting nowadays, kind of...but I do hate politicians, crooks, thieves, and cheats.

TAMALES!!

2009-04-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #9

For about a year or so I lived in the "hood". I'm sure that there are far worse neighborhoods than the one in which I was living, but for explanation purposes it was poor, crime ridden, and had significant gang influences. I'm not going to go into detail about which gang, because that type of stuff isn't my business, but they labeled or "tagged" the neighborhood and every wall, fence, dumpster, tree, etc. I think it would be nice for gangs to get some nice professional signs made, maybe some nice sand blasted wood, to promote their influence and mark their territory, but that's just me...it would look better though. Okay back to the comic...In the complex that I lived in there was a lady that came around often selling tamales out of a baby stroller. It was just one of the many charming aspects of the place...

The Introduction of Super Scootch!

2009-04-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #8:

The arrival of the Spectacular Super Scootch!

Superheroes always have such serious lives and attitudes. They are almost always muscle bound with incredibly fantastic super powers. In the world of Super Scootch, he is a virtually unknown entity with no real "brand" value. He doesn't wear a costume, and is not the guy that law enforcement, or the "powers that be" are always hoping will save the day. Super Scootch is no real fan of the "powers that be", and he has some real issues with authority in general. All he really cares about is what is right, fair, and just. Super Scootch does have a super power, which is the ability to change the skin on any one part, or his entire body as a whole, to Wolframium metal; more commonly known as Tungsten. The origin of this super power will be revealed in an upcoming origin posting. He does have suprisingly keen martial arts skills that were obtained during years of training with the Whoop Whoop Ninja clan. There isn't any daunting, serious drama in his life, and for the most part he is easy going and a bit lazy as his overweight physique will attest to, but he can and will kick some ass when he feels that the little man is getting screwed by the megalomaniacal machine.

Kim Jong Il is crazy...and crazy for Pizza!

2009-03-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Losin' It #7:

I was reading BBC News a few days ago, and I came across an article written by Hugh Levinson that illustrates the absurdity of Kim Jong Il, the leader of North Korea. He holds the positions of "General Secretary of the Workers Party of Korea" as well as "Chairman of the National Defense Commission". He is deified by the people of North Korea and demands absolute obedience and agreement; he views any deviation from this as a sign of disloyalty, which I'm sure is met with all kinds of nasty and horrible consequences. Any way...back to the article. Hugh Levinsom writes that a computer expert and part time chef at the "Pizza Institute" in northern Italy named Ermanno Furlanis received a strange call in the middle of the night as he was trying to get some sleep. It was a top chef at a swanky hotel that had been contacted by foreign diplomats from North Korea. They were recruiting experts to do culinary demonstrations to teach North Korean Army officers to make pizza. There was a group of chefs that went and all received x-rays, electrocardiograms, MRI/brain scans, along with urine and blood samples being taken before entering North Korea. I don't know what else to say other than this has to be as crazy and paranoid as a leader can be.

Coming in the next post: the arrival of the Spectacular Super Scootch - defender of all things fair and just.

I octohate the octomom

2009-03-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

Losin' It #6:

The Octomom has really gotten on my nerves and under my skin. The lady is a compulsive liar! She is obviously crazy as both of her parents have stated! She is completely irresponsible by having 14 children with no job and spending all of the money that she has received from a disability claim on plastic surgery! If most of these children don't grow up to be incarcerated felons, they will likely have mental health issues or extreme emotional problems from being raised by or anywhere near this nut job. Octomom you're octonuts and an octoirresponsible, octonarcisstic octodrama queen. I wish you would octodisappear.

Not so secret agents love white meat and damn dirty apes.

2009-02-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

Losin' It #5:

This ones an oldy, but a goody for Mike; a guy to which you don't want to entrust your top secret documents.
Nine out of ten sharks agree that surfers are delicious, zesty, and taste a lot like chicken or similar savory poultry.
Just because you're 80 feet tall and can project searing flames of fiery devastation from your mouth at will, doesn't mean that life is without its annoyances. I mean there's always someone out there trying to get between you and your milk and cookies.

Loser Soup

2009-02-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

Losin' it #4:

Here's another little project I was working on at one time. I have a lot of these that are started, but never finished...so...maybe I should finish some? We'll call this one Loser Soup.>

Bail out-"Gaping hole in the economy".

2009-02-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

Losin' It #3

I noticed that Obama had cited that there is a gaping hole in the economy, I agree. I just worry that the government is widening the gaping hole rather than plugging it up. In this comic that I've prepared for your viewing pleasure lets pretend that it is one of those games where you're suppose to pick the one that doesn't belong. One of these groups is not not like the others, try to choose which one. I'll give you a hint, they aren't smiling.

Head Cheese

2009-02-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

Here is the second comic for Losin' It.

Losin' It #2:

The book I started is titled "Head Cheese". Here are the first several pages that I completed; it's awesome and delicious, so strap on your bib, grab your lobster mallet, and dive in face first. It's low cal and carb free. Bon appetit.

Trying to get syndicated or published sucks.

2009-02-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

I started a comic strip that I was pitching to syndicators as a weekly comic strip for newspapers. I never achieved syndication, which is okay because newspapers are obsolete now anyway. I will be posting this and some others I've worked on in order with each post, along with other miscellaneous comics. This was originally titled "Extra Crunchy", but I later changed the name to "Losin' It" and that is what I was pitching and where I'll start.
Losin' it #1:
I pulled into the 7 eleven the other day and the guy that worked there was out sweeping the parking lot. You would think that a guy that works at the gas station would recognize the dangers of smoking around the gas pumps and fumes, but I guess not...and it is completely possible to over-use the word "man".

My Inaugural Blog

2009-02-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

This cartoon illustrates that as a Real Life Superhero, I battle the four main threats to humanity in this day and age: robots, vampires, aliens from other planets, and bail out banks.

There are several reasons to avoid robot domination, and this is one of them.
On my 40th birthday I made the decision to treat myself to a new car. As many people have experienced, buying a car can be very painful. The following comic illustrates some of the madcap antics that I experienced.